This 2013-Challenge is an actual challenge! I'm really nervous about this project, still, even though we are almost halfway through the third week. You'd think I would have calmed down and settled into a groove by now, wouldn't you? Not a chance! I'm still anxious about having such a heavy commitment. I'm still jittery about meeting the blank page every morning, and fearful of going to bed with a blank page.
But today I realized that when all the structure and rules and demands are striped away, the point of this project is to create stuff constantly. The point is to form new artist habits. The point is to face this blank page every single (week)day, and fill it with 'me' through writing, learning, thinking, drawing, and just creating. The 300-word rule is there to force me out of laziness, and even today at the late hour I'm finishing this, I'm not going to break the 300-word rule! I can't be complacent in forming habits, or I won't get the results I'm going for. But this is me, sitting down at the tail-end of the day, conquering the blank page. And I'm not doing it for you, a reader. And I'm not doing it to become popular. And I'm not doing it because I want to be published or anything like that. I'm doing this to prove to this blank page that there is absolutely no reason to leave a page blank.
I really love these types of exhibits. Some people probably think this artist is lazy, or perhaps it's just stupid to sell a blank canvas for thousands, but I like it. For those of you who don't understand this piece of art, I'll tell you why I like it. For me, it represents fear. It displays the fear all of us have of being unique, and being judged for our own quirks and abnormalities. To be 'ourselves' means to represent our creative choices through our own personality, and putting something so vulnerable and different out there is sure to be judged and disliked by somebody. An artist could have two million avid fans who compliment him all the time, but it's always that one person that disagrees or gives criticism that sticks in a creator's brain the longest. The blank page is the definition of fear-- the fear to be different. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of failing or falling short of someone else's standards. The fear of being alone, separated by our own personality, because we stick out from everyone else. These empty canvases represent that fear. By adding the tiniest bit of color or line to one of the canvases would be making a distinct creative choice that differentiates them from every other person in the crowd of uniform people. That choice will be judged and critiqued-- why did he use that color? I don't like the way he formed that line-- too prvocative. It's too short; too long. On and on. By making no choice at all, the artist conforms to average. He allows himself to continue in the bondage of fear. I love these pieces of art because by sharing them, they speak volumes about the amount of fear the artist lives in about their own art. Sharing this blank canvas is the artist's way of sharing his fear, or representing it. By sharing that fear with us, the canvas becomes a statement of the fear he conquered. He is not afraid to be disliked, or to be called lazy or stupid. That is his statement-- he's not afraid of the blank page.
That's how I view these piece of art, anyway. Other's see rectangles as interesting shapes used for color-blocking or something, and I see the artist's autobiography.
I suppose I should stop rambling and get to the point now! I could publish a blank canvas-- just not post anything, or drop my standards and lower my 300-word goal (300 words really isn't that hard), but I won't. Not today, and hopefully not any other (week)day for the rest of the year. Whether it's good or not, finished or not, whether I'm satisfied with it or not, whether it's lame or spectacular or stupid or ridiculous, I will post something every day. I will conquer that blank page.
If you have a blank canvas in your life-- if you're afraid to be yourself, if you're afraid to write or draw or share yourself with other people, and if that fear stops you from being yourself, or writing or drawing or whatever, listen here. The best way to conquer the blank page is one step at a time. Be honest with yourself-- don't try to put on a persona or mask when you create. Don't imagine being a fancy artist with a smock, don't picture being a writer at a typewriter with a pipe sticking out of the corner of your mouth, don't think about being a ballerina on a stage, or about being that celebrity singer you've seen in a million music videos and concerts, just don't. Do not think about being anyone else. Focus all your attention on what you are feeling inside you. Are you feeling hurt or angry or sad or happy? Are you scared to let yourself go a little bit? Search your feelings. You know them to be true. (sorry... geek moment...) But honestly, don't be anyone outside of yourself. Focus on your own mind and emotions and spirit. Focus on what you are hearing or seeing. Focus on the story you want to tell, or the scene you want to paint, or the hurt you want to tell someone about. You don't have to share it if you don't want to, but there is a difference between the artist with hundreds of empty notebooks, and the artist with a hundred full notebooks that have never been read by anyone else. Sharing your work with others is a completely different type of fear. To conquer that blank page, ignore the expectations. Ignore the standards. Let yourself be completely, 100% YOU for just a few minutes or hours, and see what happens.
Another tip: Always start with the first word. If you're feeling angry, express that in your first sentence or color or movement, and move on from there. If you're feeling that blank-page fear, be honest about it. Confront it. Don't let it get the best of you. Shove that fear in a box, toss the box in the ocean, and bury the key in sinking sand in the center of an infinite forest. Then feed your map to a pack of wolves and blindfold-walk for several hours and get completely lost. Finally, when you're sure that you'll never find that box of fear again, use your phone to call someone who'll rescue you from the infinite forest. But don't look at your GPS tracking history. That would defeat the purpose of the blind-fold walk.
So... Start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.
When you read you begin with...
When you sing you begin with...
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